Refining Your Inner Coach

Author: Pastor Mike Gutzler (Sermon on 2/14/21)

Good morning all. Praying you are well and safe on this icy morning. Today is a special day in that we have two aspects of this particular Sunday morning that are significant. The first is that we have jumped in our reading of the Gospel of Mark to the midpoint where Jesus takes three disciples to the top of a mountain and is transfigured before their eyes. It is at this moment that Jesus’s ministry and focus changes. Up to this point he has been in the community, healing, teaching, and forgiving. Now, after the transfiguration, he sets his eyes on Jerusalem and the culmination of his ministry. This is the reason why we read this text before we enter the season of Lent. Ash Wednesday is this coming Wednesday.

The other element that is unique to today is that transfiguration Sunday in 2021 also lands on Valentine’s day.  Now for some, Valentine’s day can be difficult because they may not have that “special someone” in their life at this time. And this speaks to the unfortunateness of only having one word in English, love, to show the full range of types of love that exists in the world.

The Greeks, those whose original language of the Gospels, knew that the love we have for a spouse is a different kind of love then the love we have for a friend or a child. In English, we mash all these different expressions of love into one word – and it makes Valentine’s day seem like it is only for the Greek word “eros” love – the passionate kind of love for a significant other.

If we really wanted to celebrate, we would take the love we have for all people and its different expressions, and share that appreciation will all the important “loved ones” in our lives. That way Valentine’s day could be for all of our loving relationships.  

And, if we wanted to go one step further, we could take a moment, pause, look in the mirror, and make an affirmation today of the love we have for the person we see looking back at us. In all of their brokenness, pain, or whatever we may see when we look at ourselves in the mirror, that person is loved too. Most importantly, you can offer a verbal affirmation of that love.

Why do I say this? Well, for those of you who appreciate sports or coaching, you may know the name of performance psychologist Jim Loehr. Jim, and the work of being a performance psychologist, focuses on the “mental” side of the game. While other trainers and coaches work on the skills, the plays, or the teamwork, Jim and others like him help athletes coach themselves with their inner voice when they are in the moment.

Jim has worked with all sorts top athletes in his long career, not to mention top CEOs and leaders, but let's use his work with tennis players as an example. 

When Jim is working with a top tennis player, or any athlete/leader, he asks them to carefully articulate and journal what the inner voice is saying. The inner voice tends to speak the loudest in moments of stress or frustration.  Jim will put a microphone on the athlete and record what the player is saying under their breath. He will ask them in real time, if inaudible, to articulate what the inner voice is saying.

Then, Jim helps the player consider the tone of the voice and its content in an attempt to get to the nature and “personality” of the inner voice coach.

In this process, Jim is trying to find the character and essence of the inner voice for each athlete, because he – and others – believe that the inner voice we all have is the one that determines our ability to execute our performance and ultimately the quality of our life. Our inner voice is the master coach and determines our reality.

Jim, with evidence from outside research, has determined that this inner voice starts to develop when we are about five years old and it is largely generated by the authority figures in our lives. For most of us these voices are our parents and – depending upon if you had a harsh mother or a rough dad, or even a gentle mother or concerning father, or any other combination of parental figures of significance – these voices all start to become one inner voice. If all of our inner voices are different and unique, the question then becomes how this inner voice/coach impacts the way we react to our own behavior.

Going back to the tennis image: An athlete faults three or four times in a row and starts to get frustrated, and the inner voices get louder. What does it say in those moments of frustration? Maybe “I suck,” or “What is wrong with me?” Or “I’m never going to be any good.”

After a top athlete gets an idea of what this voice sounds like and says – Jim asks the players if they find this voice and style of coaching to be constructive. Would they be proud to say these words to someone they were coaching? Would they be comfortable if these voices were projected over the loudspeaker of a stadium for everyone to hear? In many cases the answer is no.

So Jim then works with these athletes to change the inner voice. Like any athlete that trains their muscles for strength and endurance, our inner voice needs to be worked hard as well. This is the all-important mental side of the game in order to have peak performance.

So why am I telling you all of this, and what does top athletes, performance psychology, and mental coaching have to do with the Gospel? The transfiguration is like the halftime moment of Jesus’ ministry. He is entering the second and final half of the game, and it is going to be a rough road ahead. Notice who shows up to offer support: some “hall of famers” of God’s faithful past. And we get to hear the words of God’s coaching voice.

What are the words of this coach, Jesus’s inner voice? “This is my son, the beloved, listen to him.” God is saying: this is my child, the dearest one to me, and he has my full confidence.

What a great coach and voice for Jesus to hear. Jesus’ parental, inner voice, is all positive. It’s not condemning, shaming, or angry. It is an expression of the divine in and of itself. It is all love and affirmation.

Not only are these great words for us parents to embrace as we speak to our own children, but maybe it's what we all need to hear on a Valentine’s day. It’s as if God is offering to you these words: “You, child of God are very dear to me, and I have confidence in you.”

What if God’s voice was part of our inner voice, the inner coach we all have? What if these words were the reminder we all need from God that we are loved, we are special and unique and that we are important to what God is up to here in the world? These are all true statements, and maybe it’s what we need to add to our inner monologue.

Because, the reality is that this inner voice that we all have is the coach that will be with us for our entire lives. This coach speaks to us about everything, and the more we hear it the more it shapes us to the very end. We are the only ones who can hear this voice and it will have a significant impact on our lives – at any age. What would you want the best coach to say to you?

We all need to hear, especially today, that we are loved. We need to hear that we are personally forgiven for our past. We need to hear we have a clean slate, and that the people and voices of our past don’t define us. There is only one you. There will only ever be one you, and you are God’s beloved.

Amen